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STOP THIS CAR SO I CAN HUG YOU!

this is a secondary blog. I don't use it very much, it's only for really personal stuff, or stuff I feel really strongly about. xoxoxo
Sep 23 '12
some days it is just really hard to shake off this weight.
xoxoxo

some days it is just really hard to shake off this weight.

xoxoxo

13 notes Tags: GPOY
Jul 17 '12

I wonder if you think of me

when I’m not around?

even if you do,

it couldn’t possibly be

as frequently as I think of you.

I wonder if I’m the first person 

with whom you want to share your news?

and I think,

if I’m not,

maybe I deserve to find

someone who

wants to be with me most.

maybe I should find

someone who

thinks of me first.

May 17 '12

glitterbubbles:

myturtlespeedy:

“Fat people in America are reduced to nothing but fatness. A fat person has a health problem of any kind? It’s because they’re fat. A fat person is single? Well, duh. Fat. They deserve it. A fat person is poor? That’s not surprising-obviously they have bad judgment and no impulse control! Because why would a smart person choose to be fat? If a fat person goes to a restaurant and sits on a broken chair and the chair collapses under them, it’s because they’re fat. But if a thin person sits on the same broken chair and the chair collapses under them, it’s because they sat on a broken chair.”

Lindy West, Being Mean To Fat People is Pointless: A Good Old Fashioned Plea for Civility (via broadist)

Negative experience = because of your fat

Positive experience = in despite of your fat

Also: this is a fab post, but don’t read the comments. I cried.

(via lapocketrocket)

I have seriously been on the verge of writing something similar to this post for weeks. I am so sick of people thinking that they should have a say in the size of someone else’s body. you cannot tell someone’s state of health by looking at them. you don’t get to make judgments on someone’s worth based on their size. ugh. xoxoxo [reblogging myself because I posted to the wrong blog]

Apr 8 '12

sometimes when I’m feeling down I like to spend time reminding people that I love them, because it’s difficult to be quite so grumpy or sad when you’re thinking about people that make your life better. sometimes I have time to do that individually, but today is not that day.

so, hey! I love you. I appreciate you.

you’re awesome! xoxoxoxoxo

Apr 4 '12

this got long. trigger warning - eating disorders

Read More

Feb 13 '12

so,

I’m sort of starting to think about a new plan, having failed to get into grad school again.

I can’t fathom the idea of staying in this job for another year, doing what I’ve been doing for the past five years, and making no headway on my goals. I love my coworkers, I like the core values of the company, and I don’t mind any of the things I do in a given day, but none of it is what I want to spend my life doing.

so I think there are a few options…

Read More

Aug 22 '11

things about today…

  • I cleaned a lot of things, and that is always nice. 
  • we went to see a community theater performance of the Wizard of Oz in the park which unexpectedly encompassed most of the series, not just the Wizard of Oz story, and lasted just under 3 hours.  
    but, you know, it was cute and the bugs really seemed to enjoy my blood, so that’s nice for them.
  • I have some tiny things to send to a few people, but no packaging supplies with which to send them… at least they’re organized though!
  • it’s just about 1am so I probably should go to bed. I missed Tumblr so much today! 

I love you!!! <3<3<3<3 xoxoxoxo

Aug 20 '11

things about today

I exercised, you know, more than my daily 20 minute walk at work… for the first time in ages. oof, it was hard, really. but I put on Flight of the Conchords (because I do think it would be nice to return those DVDs to Jennifer some day) and walked a brisk 5K. it didn’t feel as good as exercise usually does, but I think that’s because I usually like to do it on an empty stomach and I’d just eaten lunch (but mom and Cody had gone off gallivanting and I knew I would continue to put it off if I didn’t take advantage of the rare time to myself) but it was good. 

anyway, I accidentally posted this without meaning to but whatever! I also am excited about my new pen pals, and had a really great chat with Astrid, and heard from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in about a year, so all in all it’s been a nice day.

I love you!!

xoxoxoxo

Jul 28 '11
Jul 28 '11
so, I got this anonymous comment yesterday morning on my main blog, and it totally ruined my day. well, not totally, because my day (and the past two weeks, really) had not been going that spectacularly to begin with.
yeah, I need to lose some weight. this is not news. I have been about this weight since Cody was born, and that&#8217;s a long time. at this point, I almost don&#8217;t think about it, except in the way that it is constantly a part of my life. everything, EVERYTHING is affected by my size, from the way I walk and shower to how far I have to open a car door to get out. when I am insecure about my looks, it has to do with my weight of course, but that isn&#8217;t the only thing I get insecure about.
being overweight is not the only thing I don&#8217;t love about myself. but it is one of them. still, after ten years, it&#8217;s become a part of who I am, and even though I recognize that this is not how I want to look, if I hear a derogatory comment about my weight, I hear a derogatory comment about who I am. and frankly, I&#8217;m pretty okay, so that pisses me off and makes me sad.
I should also say that comments like, &#8220;that&#8217;s not who you really are&#8221; or &#8220;I know the REAL you is inside!&#8221; meaning, the thinner me, not just my personality, are not helpful comments. these are things my dad says to me. I love my dad, and he means well, and he loves me. but those comments just say to me that I&#8217;m not the real me, and that who I am is not okay.
yeah, before I was pregnant, I was thin. I was also anorexic. until being thin is not tied in with not eating for me, I am going to take it slowly.
there are things I could change about my life to make weight loss happen more quickly, but right now I am not doing that. I prefer to stay up til 1am watching shows or interacting with my friends online to unwind, instead of getting up at 5am to work out.
I&#8217;m not deluding myself, I&#8217;m not sitting here going, &#8220;WHYYYY can&#8217;t I lose weight, WHY?!&#8221; I know I am not doing everything I could be. mostly, I eat pretty healthily. I sometimes don&#8217;t, though.  as someone with a history of eating disorders, I try to take it so very slowly when it comes to dietary changes as I recognize how easily I can be triggered into that mindset by restricting/monitoring my eating too closely.
eventually, I&#8217;d like to lose 75-80 pounds. I am working my way toward a schedule and structure that will help that to happen, but no, it&#8217;s not my top priority.
so, screw you, anonymous. your comment is accurate, but you&#8217;re still an asshole. my friends love me, all of me. even the ones who know me in person.
this is me, being okay with me, who I am today.
and this is also me, being grateful that I know so many people who care about me enough to tell me that who I am is okay with them, too.
THANK YOU.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

so, I got this anonymous comment yesterday morning on my main blog, and it totally ruined my day. well, not totally, because my day (and the past two weeks, really) had not been going that spectacularly to begin with.

yeah, I need to lose some weight. this is not news. I have been about this weight since Cody was born, and that’s a long time. at this point, I almost don’t think about it, except in the way that it is constantly a part of my life. everything, EVERYTHING is affected by my size, from the way I walk and shower to how far I have to open a car door to get out. when I am insecure about my looks, it has to do with my weight of course, but that isn’t the only thing I get insecure about.

being overweight is not the only thing I don’t love about myself. but it is one of them. still, after ten years, it’s become a part of who I am, and even though I recognize that this is not how I want to look, if I hear a derogatory comment about my weight, I hear a derogatory comment about who I am. and frankly, I’m pretty okay, so that pisses me off and makes me sad.

I should also say that comments like, “that’s not who you really are” or “I know the REAL you is inside!” meaning, the thinner me, not just my personality, are not helpful comments. these are things my dad says to me. I love my dad, and he means well, and he loves me. but those comments just say to me that I’m not the real me, and that who I am is not okay.

yeah, before I was pregnant, I was thin. I was also anorexic. until being thin is not tied in with not eating for me, I am going to take it slowly.

there are things I could change about my life to make weight loss happen more quickly, but right now I am not doing that. I prefer to stay up til 1am watching shows or interacting with my friends online to unwind, instead of getting up at 5am to work out.

I’m not deluding myself, I’m not sitting here going, “WHYYYY can’t I lose weight, WHY?!” I know I am not doing everything I could be. mostly, I eat pretty healthily. I sometimes don’t, though.  as someone with a history of eating disorders, I try to take it so very slowly when it comes to dietary changes as I recognize how easily I can be triggered into that mindset by restricting/monitoring my eating too closely.

eventually, I’d like to lose 75-80 pounds. I am working my way toward a schedule and structure that will help that to happen, but no, it’s not my top priority.

so, screw you, anonymous. your comment is accurate, but you’re still an asshole. my friends love me, all of me. even the ones who know me in person.

this is me, being okay with me, who I am today.

and this is also me, being grateful that I know so many people who care about me enough to tell me that who I am is okay with them, too.

THANK YOU.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jun 24 '11

well…

I will shortly be able to take classes again in an attempt to raise my GPA and make myself more awesome.

I should, by this time next weekish, be enrolled as a Women’s and Gender Studies major! I am excited. this will give me a fantastic background for working with the kids at Ophelia’s Place, as well as a good skill set for my career goals.

I may even be able to start taking classes as early as mid-July!

mildly terrified when I think about how I’m going to add volunteering at Ophelia’s Place, as well as taking classes I need to ace, into my life, but it’s still exciting!

… right?

xoxoxoxo

Jun 15 '11

so you guys, wish me luck…

lottiebites replied to your post: 6!

Shh, just come (back to the UK) I love you. I miss you. I want endless Jules hugs. FOREVER!

ebee- replied to your post: 6!

TRAVEL! WE HAVE MORE COUNTRIES TO INVADE!

because I have a lottery ticket for tonight’s lottery drawing. I mean, why not? if I win, there will be TRAVEL! I’m just saying…

xoxoxoxoxo

Jun 3 '11
anunrelatedthing:

“This was an ad made by bodyshop. But Barbie INC. found out about it and now it’s banned. Reblog if you think this ad deserves to be seen.”

anunrelatedthing:

“This was an ad made by bodyshop. But Barbie INC. found out about it and now it’s banned. Reblog if you think this ad deserves to be seen.”

May 7 '11

I found all these christmas present posts in my drafts, so I’m posting them over here, since they don’t make sense in May but I want to share them! xoxoxo

glitterbubbles:

my gift from Sarah was this spectacularly awesome caffeine-related notebook, and two of the cutest cards in the world!! I love it so much, I don’t even have words. <3<3<3 xoxoxo

May 7 '11

I found all these christmas present posts in my drafts, so I’m posting them over here, since they don’t make sense in May but I want to share them! xoxoxo

glitterbubbles:

uh, this gift was opened in stages, and full of magnificence. Jennifer sent a giant Christmas popper with handmade crowns and goodies for me, Cody, and mom! I can’t even begin to describe the amazing diagram and instruction manual that came with the gift, also there is a poem wrapped around it! in the Beatles bag (!!!) there was apple blossom honey, hot apple cider spice blend (which I am concerned you should have saved for cider and apple-cup-carving with Domestic Lee, but our whole family loves to make apple cider, so I love it!) and a pencil. the pencil has what looks like possibly a roasted marshmallow on the end, and also Roman numerals and their equivalents! I actually love this pencil SO much. and Roman numerals. and marshmallows. anyway, also! lovely pretty bracelets and earrings, and MINI CAMELOT FIGURES. this is the greatest thing ever. I am giving most of them to Cody, but I am keeping a few. mainly the Dragon, which I will probably name Norbert, as I am not really sure there is ever going to be a more appropriate name for a Dragon. 

I am so overwhelmed by how awesome my friends are. you guys. <3 seriously. I love you. xoxoxoxo